Dear Feisty, Volume 2

Solicited advice, with a healthy dose of sarcasm

Graphic designed by Nadine Bell.

Welcome to the second edition of Dear Feisty! Turns out I’m pretty crap at writing weekly features, but stellar at irregular content. Please enjoy and remember that I have a few degrees, but none of them are medical, legal or financial, so keep that in mind while reading the advice.

Dear Feisty,

I love Twitter and other social media but I have a hard time keeping up with acronyms and new urban dictionary language. Is there like a Coles Notes or pocket dictionary I could get that would be faster than Google? Maybe something I could carry in my purse?

Thanks, Grams.

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Dear Grams,

While you do always have the option of Googling or asking the cool kids, I tend to combat these sorts of internet based challenges by making up my own words as a response. It may not entirely solve your problem, but it’s lots of fun to call people fucko buckos and commie harpies etc, and often confuses them.

BTW IRL ROTFL FTW IYKYK, or whatever.

Sincerely, Feisty.

Dear Feisty,

The media want to ask me follow up questions to things at press conferences and I kinda want to answer so it doesn’t always look like I’m lying but I’m having a hard time keeping all my scandals straight, what should I do?

Wild Rose

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Dear Wild Rose,

The media obviously doesn’t have enough empathy for all that you endure in your very complicated and important life. I think you’re doing an excellent job at all the scandals, so believe in yourself, follow your heart and fuck the haters.

Sincerely, Feisty.

Dear Feisty,

My wife refuses to learn how to use the remote for our Tv and I worry that when I die she'll never be able to watch a show again. What should I do?

Signed,

Universally Remote.

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Dear Universally Remote,

I’m glad you came to me with this extremely serious concern, as I expect your wife likes to watch shows even when you’re still alive, so that she doesn’t have to spend as much time talking to you. I’d advise you to teach your dog to use the remote ASAP, be around every time she watches a show (and wants a dog cuddle). This will not only enable your wife to watch all the shows she wants, but your dog to watch content of their choosing when you are both away. Furthermore, instruct your dog to pass along that remote knowledge in their dog will so your wife is set for life.

Sincerely, Feisty.

Now, it’s your turn! Send me your letters at feistywaters@substack.com to be included in future volumes, and receive your own extremely helpful and not legal advice.

Just look at these faces. They would never give you bad advice.