Dear Feisty

Solicited advice, with a healthy dose of sarcasm

Graphic designed by Nadine Bell

Welcome to the first edition of Dear Feisty! This will hopefully become a weekly feature, provided I don’t continue to have excruciating face pain like I have for the last week. Please enjoy and remember that I am not a doctor, just a concerned librarian.

Dear Feisty,

I’m struggling with one particular behaviour from my partner of 14 years. He regularly puts recyclables on the closest counter to the bin, but not actually in the recycling bin. Otherwise he is a fucking saint and I adore him. Should I address this with him, explaining it needlessly creates more work for me, or just suck it up and ferry the items to the bin daily?

Thanks,

Gettin’ Old

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Dear Gettin’ Old,

I’ve consulted with my local recycling expert and we both agree that you can transform teaching your husband about recycling into a fun team building exercise. This will help you both make some memories together, and perhaps write a popular recycling based musical.

Sincerely, Feisty.

Dear Feisty,

I am more or less a nobody on the internet and NO ONE has trolled me.

What am I to do?

Bryce

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Dear Bryce,

As a woman who deals with internet trolling on the regular basis, I’d say enjoy your anonymity.

However, if you would like to experience the thrill of insults and threats, I suggest picking a fight with anyone with a twitter name that includes unacceptable, freedom or fringe. For the greatest success, make bold claims about masks working to help prevent the spread of Covid 19, drag queen story times being fun and inclusive events or Trudeau doing a decent job and not being a communist dictator.

Sincerely, Feisty.

Dear Feisty,

I am buying a house solo this year. My partner and I have no interest in co-habitation but he is a car guy and would like to use my garage.

I don't have a dog and don't want one, but I really want him to have one. So I would like to propose this:

He may rent the garage for $10,000 a month but if he gets a dog, he may use the garage for free (assuming he brings the dog with him when he uses the garage).

What are your thoughts?

Love,

Fun Dog Auntie

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Dear Fun Dog Auntie,

This seems like a completely fair arrangement to me, but I’d recommend charging at least $50,000 per month for use of the garage to ensure the best toys and treats for the new dog.

Sincerely, Feisty.

PS: Dolly Pawton also approves of this plan.

Now, it’s your turn! Send me your letters at feistywaters@substack.com to be included in future columns, so I don’t have to make them all up myself like I did when I wrote Alexandra’s Advice for my school newspaper in 1991.

Advice column from a 1991 school newspaper, written by 12 year old Jen.